The 5DS of V

Until recently, I’ve never before contemplated the Five Developmental Stages of Vomiting.  Unless you either have kids or have a very good memory of your own childhood, this may not make much sense and it may sound ridiculous.  However, I believe this to be an accurate description.

Stage 1: Babies just puke for no real reason. They just do it with no fanfare or big to do. “Oh look who spit up!” And sometimes it’s like a contest to see who the baby will hurl on and then you just laugh and clean.

Stage 2: Toddlers to preschool throw up and we have an attitude of “poor baby... no fever? Fluids and BRAT diet for you!”

Stage 3: Elementary school kids get sick and parents start thinking “oh crap... the kid is dying... oh crap... I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!” And off to the doctor you go and sometimes you wind up with your kid in an MRI and most of the times they’re fine. Then you’re explaining to your boss about viruses at kids schools and a week later everyone at work is sick and they hate you.

Stage 4: I believe this is the stage I’m in now. If my memory serves me correctly this goes from Middle to High School. It’s the whole “I DON’T CARE IF YOU HURL!!! YOU’RE GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF YOUR HOMEWORK THAT EASILY!!!” phase. I haven’t experienced this a lot as a parent, but I’ve heard of it happening and I think we’ve been on the edge before. Of course once the kid does lose it you may fall back to stages 3 or 2.

and Finally, Stage 5: This is the stage that I believe comes next. It’s potentially from High School and BEYOND, but especially the late teens/ early twenties. Someone tosses their cookies and everyone’s first thought is “What the hell did you do last night?”

I have no idea if this is accurate.  It is just a thought that came to mind.

Parenting requires Horse Sense!

Back in 1981, a few months before I turned eleven, I learned a life lesson that is only now beginning to become clear to me.

My family had moved down south from Chicago only a few years before.  We had just recently moved into the first (and only) house my parents ever bought as they had decided that the south eastern coastal town we currently lived in was where they wanted to retire.

As nice as it was, I don't think I ever truly fit in.  However, at the time, we were all still "misplaced Yankees that tawk funny" as I had been informed by someone who still to this very day is surprised the South lost the Civil War because "the Devil thinks he done beat Jesus.  But, we'll rise up!"

This post has nothing to do with anything other than how out of place we were in our new neighborhood and how the lesson I learned gives me a better understanding of current events in my life.

So, back to 1981.  We silly city slicker Yankees had the shock of our lives when a hardcore country boy from Kentucky, who went by the name of "Wild Bill" decided to give us a gift because he liked my Father so much.  My Dad really was a likeable guy.

Now, I'm guessing because he was from "the country" in Kentucky, Wild Bill (a giant of a man) had a different concept of "surprise gifts" than most people would think acceptable.  Sure, if you tell someone something like "hey I like that belt" they might give you a belt like that one day.  Yeah you might say something like "Nice hat.  I really like how the camouflage  blends in with the bass hooked to that fishing line on the front of the cap" and three days later BOOM you have a new fishing hat!

But, if you say "cool dog," that does not mean "hey man, get me a dog."   Don't worry, Ol' Billski didn't give us a dog; that'd be nuts.  On a side note, Bill also liked to put the suffix "ski" at the end of words to sound ironically Russian.  So, he would call my Mom "Momski" or dinner "foodski" or himself "Billski" which is still pretty irrelevant to the story but it tells you some more about Wild Bill-ski.

One day Bill pulled up in our driveway, with no indication he was even stopping by as I recall, in an old 1970's something Datsun pick up with a huge plywood cabin built on the back of it.  When he came to the door we were all surprised and excited to see him.  We were even more surprised when he said, "come on out here and see what I gotcha!"

As we stepped out a friend of Bills was escorting a little Tennessee Walker filly (young female horse) out of the back of his truck and into our back yard.  As it turns out, one day my Dad  apparently said something like "horses are neat" to Bill.  So, we got a horse.

She was black as night with a white star on her forehead and one white sock on a hind leg.  We named her Midnight Star because it was fitting and there wasn't a moderately famous R&B band that we would hear of for another few years.

 

My Midnight Star was no Freak-A-Zoid

At the time, I simply thought I was learning so much about horses.  It was an amazing experience.  We had her for years and I cherished every moment.  I would brush her, clean her, feed her, clean  her stall, walk her, spend my time with her.... All of which are great life long lessons about how to be a human being and treat all creatures, including other people, with respect.

However, that wasn't the most significant lesson or, at the very least, observation.  Yes, I learned to
show my love for another creature by caring for it and assisting it, but, what was most educational was what happened when the horse lived in our back yard.

When Midnight  was in the backyard and alone, she was quite often remarkably unpleasant to be around.  She didn't want anyone to make eye contact with her, talk to her, be near her or touch her, UNLESS you had food.  Then she would tolerate you.  But as soon as we moved her into a stable and she got around other horses, she was so pleasant and sweet!

That last paragraph almost perfectly describes raising a teenager.  For the most part, when they're alone, they are not to be trifled with unless you have food.  When they are with friends, they're pretty sociable.

I had no idea what I was learning raising a horse.

Left to Right:
Plywood stable/ horse transport, Wild Bill, a precious Me in a red denim jacket and white jeans,
The "Momski" & an annoyed tween disguised as a horsey!